Breaking the Perfectionism Trap

What even is perfectionism? It’s a term we hear everywhere now. For some, it simply means liking things done “well”. Others describe it as part of their personality: “I just really care about always doing my best.” Society often reinforces this view. Perfectionism is seen as a strength. Proof that we’re not lazy, that we work hard, that we don’t give up until the goal is reached.

And all of that sounds positive.
But as I often ask: at what cost?

Perfectionism can show up in many different ways.  As ever, it lies on a spectrum. Some people move through life with a degree of it and feel absolutely fine. Those are not the people I’m speaking to here. For many however, perfectionism and anxiety frequently appear together, alongside low self-esteem and shame.

Beneath it, there are often deep fears:
“If I don’t do my best, people will see I’m a failure.”
“If I don’t get this right, they’ll realise I’m not good enough.”
“They’ll see that I’m worthless.”

It’s not really about staying late to finish a piece of work.
It’s about what you fear might happen if you don’t.

Where These Beliefs Come From

Like many deeply held beliefs, perfectionism in the workplace often has roots in childhood or early life experiences. If a child grows up believing that love, safety or approval depended on achievement, it makes sense that they carry this into adulthood. For others, experiences of criticism, neglect, or abuse can leave lasting beliefs of being “unworthy” or “not good enough”.

To protect ourselves from these painful beliefs, we create rules:
“If I work hard enough and never ask for help, no one will notice my struggles.”
“If I don’t make mistakes, people will think I’m enough.”

On the surface, these rules look helpful and often work, at least for a while. But what happens when you start a new job and don’t know how to do a task? You need support, but the thought of asking for help brings intense workplace anxiety. You worry about judgement, about being seen as incompetent.

This is where the real issue lies. Beneath the drive to do well is often fear.Fear that if we slow down, someone will notice. Fear that if we ask for help, we’ll be exposed. Fear that if we get it wrong, what we secretly believe about ourselves will be confirmed.

Perfectionism as a Threat Response

From a Compassionate Focused CBT perspective, this isn’t weakness, it’s protection.

When we carry beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m only valued if I perform well”, our nervous system moves into threat mode whenever those beliefs feel at risk. Work no longer feels neutral. Emails feel dangerous. Feedback feels personal. Mistakes feel unbearable.

So the system does what it knows how to do.
It tightens.
It pushes.
It strives.
It criticises.

This is where the inner critic at work takes over.

That harsh voice — “You should be better”, “Don’t mess this up”, “Everyone else can cope, why can’t you?” — is rarely trying to destroy us. More often, it’s desperately trying to keep us safe from shame, rejection, or abandonment. It believes that if it keeps us striving and perfect, we won’t be hurt again.

And in many ways, that makes sense.

If being imperfect once led to criticism, withdrawal, punishment, or harm, why wouldn’t the system learn that perfection equals safety? Why wouldn’t it cling to that rule?

The difficulty is that what once protected us can later imprison us.

How Perfectionism Shows Up at Work

In the workplace, this often looks like:

• Never feeling finished, no matter how much you do
  

• Struggling to rest without guilt
  

• Feeling constantly behind, even when praised
  

• Tying self-worth to productivity
  

• Burning out quietly while appearing “high-functioning”
  

This is how perfectionism and burnout develop. The goalposts keep moving, expectations rise, and the safety perfectionism promises never quite arrives. Instead, it exhausts and burns people out.

To complicate matters, many workplaces unintentionally reward perfectionism. Overworking is praised, burnout is overlooked, and worth becomes linked to output. Yet research and clinical experience consistently show that overworking does not lead to better outcomes. It produces exhaustion, and an exhausted workforce is not an effective one. 

From a Compassion-Focused CBT perspective, it's important to re-define strength and success at work. Strength is not relentless self-pressure. Strength is the ability to stay regulated, flexible, and kind under pressure, which supports long-term wellbeing and sustainable performance.

Overcoming Perfectionism at Work

Overcoming perfectionism at work doesn’t mean lowering standards or caring less. It means creating enough psychological safety at work that the nervous system no longer needs to stay in threat mode.

A common fear I hear is:
“If I lower my standards, I’ll become lazy or ineffective.”

In reality, for perfectionists, “lowering standards” usually means still meeting expectations, just without the constant self-punishment. It feels scary because you’re stepping out of threat mode and into uncertainty.

Some gentle ways to begin include:

• Shifting from perfect to effective
  
  

• Practising doing things well enough rather than flawlessly
  
  

• Asking, “What am I afraid would happen if this wasn’t perfect?”
  
  

• Noticing and gently questioning the rules you live by
  
  

Crucially, this work requires responding to yourself with compassion rather than criticism. You cannot shame yourself out of shame.

What Leaders Can Do

Workplaces often reinforce perfectionism through praise for overwork, silence around burnout, and equating worth with productivity. Leaders play a vital role in creating change.

Helpful leadership behaviours include:

• Modelling imperfection by acknowledging mistakes and learning from them
  
  

• Normalising help-seeking and collaboration
  
  

• Valuing process, learning, and growth — not just outcomes and targets
  
  

• Giving feedback that separates performance from personal worth
  
  

• Challenging overwork culture by modelling boundaries, rest, and time off
  
  

• Noticing when someone is struggling and responding with curiosity and compassion
  
  

When leaders create environments where mistakes are survivable and support is visible, perfectionism begins to soften.

A Healthier Way Forward

Perfectionism says:
“You must be flawless to be safe.”

Compassion-focused CBT offers a different message:
“You are allowed to be human, make mistakes and still be enough”

Real sustainability at work doesn’t come from relentless self-pressure. It comes from workplaces, and inner worlds where people feel safe enough to learn, grow, and be imperfect.

Perhaps the real task isn’t getting rid of perfectionism, but becoming aware of it, understanding what it’s trying to protect, and gently experimenting with doing things differently. Over time, discovering that it’s all okay after all.